Courtroom Presentations, Inc.

Lawyer/Witness Disconnect Represented Graphically

cpi — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 19:00:36 +0000

I like Venn diagrams. I was kind of jealous when Bruce got to use one on Tuesday. Luckily, D.A. Confidential apparently likes Venn diagrams as well. He picked up on the same one Bruce wrote about, comparing what lawyers publish in their bios with what clients are looking for in said bios. And based on that, he was inspired to create his own. So, without alteration or elaboration, I present the "Lawyer/Witness Disconnect" from a prosecutorial perspective: Have a great long weekend. I’m off to start drinking, and get a naked girl tattoo that looks like Elena Kagan.
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Thursday’s Three Burning Legal Questions

cpi — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:00:37 +0000

Here are today’s three burning legal questions, along with the answers provided by the blogosphere. 1) Question: My wife pronounces the name of our home state as "Ne-VAH-dah," while I say it as "Ne-VAD-a." Who is right? Answer: You are, of course, but please reassure your wife that the Nevada Legislature has "submitted a bill draft request for the 2011 legislative session for a resolution that asserts while the preferred pronunciation of the state’s name is ‘Ne-VAD-a,’ pronouncing it ‘Ne-VAH-da’ is also acceptable." (Lowering the Bar, Nevada Legislator Proposes Bill on How to Pronounce "Nevada") 2) Question: Darn these airport security scanner machines! Why do they keep beeping when I walk through with no metal on me? Should I try the machine over here to the side where you go through horizontally? Answer: Sir, that is for baggage only! (Consumerist, Man Passes Self Through Airport X-Ray) 3) Question: I’m being kidnapped, but my foolish captors forgot to take my cell phone — I can call 911 and have the police apprehend them! Ha! Answer: Before you make the call, make sure that your "captors" aren’t actually police officers giving you a ride home because you are too drunk to drive…
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Plastic Bags Still Legal in California

cpi — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 19:00:39 +0000

The California State Senate hates the environment. That body, per CNN, voted down a bill that would have banned plastic bags in grocery stores, drug stores and convenience stores. You know, the places you get plastic bags. The California Assembly had already passed the bill, and the Governator had stated publicly that he would sign it into law if it passed the Senate. Twenty-one senators weren’t persuaded by the soothing voice of Jeremy Irons in the "Majestic Plastic Bag" mockumentary, produced by the environmental group Heal the Bay. Are you?
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Tuesday’s Three Burning Legal Questions

cpi — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 19:01:31 +0000

Here are today’s three burning legal questions, along with the answers provided by the blogosphere. 1) Question: I just returned home from a vacation. Why are half of my tools missing and the other half laying out in my front yard? Answer: Sometimes burglars break into homes and hold a garage sale of the homeowner’s possessions in the front yard. (Lowering the Bar, Burglar/Entrepreneur Breaks In, Holds Garage Sale) 2) Question: Whew!! Thank goodness that kind young man came to my door and warned me that unless I purchased an "ObamaCare" health care policy I would have to go to jail! Who knew?! Answer: Sorry, old-timer, but that "ObamaCare" offer is a fraud that has been perpetrated on senior citizens in California. (Consumerist, Do Not Buy Insurance Called ‘ObamaCare’) 3) Question: How in the world am I supposed to answer this interrogatory asking me to "please describe how ‘beer pong’ is played, including the needed equipment and/or materials"? Answer: Like this! (Legal Juice, Yes, An Interrogatory About Beer Pong, And A Truly Awesome Response)
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Two-Track Legal Education Coming to a Law School Near You?

cpi — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:00:37 +0000

What makes a good law school professor? This is a debate that, I daresay, will go on in perpetuity. Bruce brought you some of the latest thoughts on Friday, with his discussion centering on Brent Newton’s recent law review article, and the reaction thereto. Yesterday at Balkinization, Jason Mazzone of Brooklyn Law School came up with a way to employ even more professors. Hooray! Mazzone suggests separating legal education into a "professional school" and an "academic law department." Say what now? Let me him elaborate: Under this approach, the professional school would be staffed by instructors whose job is to teach legal skills to lawyers-in-training. Instructors would not be expected to write books or articles. Instead, they would bring expertise in teaching practical skills. … The academic law department would be very different from the professional school. It would be staffed by tenured and tenure-track professors. The principle [sic] task of these professors would be research and writing. Like faculty members in other departments, they would also teach (more on this below) but teaching would not be their main function. These professors would be career academics. OK. Where to start? Reading the entire post — and it’s not too long…
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Friday’s Three Burning Legal Questions

cpi — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 19:00:25 +0000

Here are today’s three burning legal questions, along with the answers provided by the blogosphere. 1) Question: I’d like to trademark a color. Any advice? Answer: Stay away from yellow. That color is taken. (Very Demotivational, The Color Yellow) 2) Question: I have a restraining order against these protesters — they can’t come within 50 feet of my store. According to my tape measure, they are now 49 feet 8 inches away from it — that’s a violation, right?! Answer: In Portland, Ore., 4 inches too close doesn’t cut it for a violation. The judges say you should draw a visible line at the 50 foot mark. (Bad Lawyer, Free Speech Can Come Down to Inches) 3) Question: Some friends say they saw my DUI mugshot "tagged" with my name on Facebook. What the heck!!?? Answer: Was your DUI arrest in Evesham, N.J.? Evesham now posts the names and photographs of people arrested for drunk driving on its Facebook page. (CNET, N.J. town posts DUI photos on Facebook: Tag away?) (via socialnetworkinglawblog.com)
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Thursday’s Three Burning Legal Questions

cpi — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:00:47 +0000

Here are today’s three burning legal questions, along with the answers provided by the blogosphere. 1) Question: All I ordered was a bagel. Why am I being charged sales tax? Answer: Did you want it sliced? If so, your bagel transforms into "prepared food" subject to an 8.875% tax. (NY Post, NY’s cut of bagel ‘dough:’ Extra tax for slicing) 2) Question: I’m a judge hearing a felony drug case. Does it matter if two jurors just walked over and patted a testifying police officer on the back and said "good job?" Answer: It matters. (Underdog, A trial judge must not ignore jurors patting testifying cops on the back midtrial) 3) Question: This clumsy lawyer I work with just fell back onto me on the dance floor, making me bonk my head. May I have $6 million? Answer: You may. (Turley, Lawyer Gets $6 Million After Colleague Falls On Her On Dance Floor)
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Wednesday’s Three Burning Legal Questions

cpi — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 19:00:27 +0000

Here are today’s three burning legal questions, along with the answers provided by the blogosphere. 1) Question: Years and years of study to obtain my degree in Ebonics translation and now I can’t get a job! Are there any opportunities in the legal field? Answer: Why, yes! Try applying to the Department of Justice’s Drug Enforcement Administration. (NPR, Speak Ebonics? The DEA Wants You) (via The Agitator) 2) Question: The woman at the deli counter asked me which chicken breasts I wanted in the case. I pointed out what I wanted and said "I like the large ones." Now I’m banned from Safeway? Answer: Watch the double entendres. Safeway doesn’t like them one bit. (Consumerist, Shopper: I Was Banned From Safeway Because I Asked For Large Chicken Breasts) 3) Question: I’m a juror in a trial. My hearing is perfect, but I must confess that the acoustics in the courtroom are so poor that my fellow jurors and I can’t hear a damn thing anyone is saying — not the lawyers, not the judge, and not the witnesses. What should we do? Answer: Tell the judge — it will likely result in a mistrial. (WLOX, Bad courtroom acoustics force mistrial;…
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‘Hi, I’m Roni Deutch, and I’m the Defendant.’

cpi — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 19:00:23 +0000

If you haven’t seen a commercial for "Tax Lady" Roni Deutch, you must be either blind or Amish, making it extremely unlikely that you’re reading this post. But just in case, they look something like this: Yes, she’s always that grating. But it seems the California Attorney General wants her to pipe down. Via Consumerist comes the news that Deutch is on the wrong side of the "v." in a suit seeking $34 million in restitution for Deutch clients who claim that the "tax relief" she promised never quite materialized. The press release issued by the AG’s office minces no words: When potential clients call Deutch’s boiler room, sales agents employ high-pressure sales tactics plus a series of misrepresentations and false promises to persuade them to retain her firm. The sales agents claim Deutch’s success rate in dealing with the IRS is as high as 99 percent. But the percentage of clients whose tax bills Deutch actually reduces is a mere 10 percent. If I ever buy a bar, I may well name it "Deutch’s Boiler Room." There’s a preliminary injunction hearing scheduled for tomorrow, in which state lawyers will try to convince a judge to "enjoin Defendants from continuing…
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What Do Law Students and Puppies Have in Common?

cpi — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 19:00:33 +0000

Nothing. Which doesn’t mean the former, specifically 1Ls, can’t learn some valuable lessons from the latter, according to Neetal Parekh’s post on the Greedy Associates blog this morning. Parekh doesn’t explicitly suggest learning not to pee on the rug, but distills canine wisdom for baby law schoolers into six nuggets. My favorite: 3. Be able to fall asleep anywhere. You may soon find that a well-timed 15 minute nap on a library desk can be sweeter than your favorite double fudge sundae. Being able to sleep when you have time to will make you a much happier (and more-agreeable) 1L. Know when to schedule a ‘last call’ for caffeinated beverages so you can get a decent snooze. Just don’t let that habit stay with you if you manage to snag a summer associate position.
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